....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
