Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
