people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
