Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
