So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was born a porn star she said
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
