i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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