The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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