I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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