dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
