I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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