Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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