it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
