My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
