i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
