i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
