I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
