I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
