And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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