Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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