worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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