He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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