Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
