oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A+ Viking dick
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