Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
