Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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