i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Blood and glitter go together right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
