Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
