Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
