Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
