Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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