So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
