Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
