I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
