he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
