whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
