whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You smell like stripper and shame
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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