I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Randomize
