her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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