I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
