Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
