i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
