its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
