i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
