He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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