You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
