Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
