Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
