I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
