Girls should come with a carfax report
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
