Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
