he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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