how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
