ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
