I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
