Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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