Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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