the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
